Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Randomize
