so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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