Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
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