I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Randomize
