I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
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