So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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