Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
