My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
