I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
