Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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