you have to choose: penises or morals?
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
