She is in my trunk
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Randomize
