im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
