Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
