Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
If I die, sorry about rent.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
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