i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Randomize
