I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
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