i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
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