If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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