That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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