I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize