the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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