her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
