dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
