You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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