Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
