when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
Randomize