strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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