Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
