My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Randomize