The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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