why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
I understand Curling. That high.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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