The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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