drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
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