I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
i drank out of a bidet.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
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