Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Randomize
