I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Randomize
