we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
did you just send me my own nude
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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