Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Randomize
