So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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