I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Randomize
