Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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