pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
