i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
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