Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Randomize
