pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Randomize