and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
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