I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
he high fived his dick after we had sex
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize