you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Randomize
