he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
