i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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