he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
