my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
