OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
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