so let's talk penis.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
