i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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