so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
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