the new term for farting is butt boxing.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Randomize
