ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
