Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
Randomize
