she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
