I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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