My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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