Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Be still, my beating vagina.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
