Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
