Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
