bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Randomize
