Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
