Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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