Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
