This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
