Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
