It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
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