"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
His hands were made for my vagina.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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