She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
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