I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
my vag is so smooth its legendary
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
Four minutes until I can fart!
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
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