I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Randomize
