Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Randomize
