My pussy is not your playground.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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