She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
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