I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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