Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
