Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize