We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Holy sore nipples Batman
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